The Bach-ala Moi

Hello Hello there lovely friends.

How are you today?

This just in Catherine wins Le Bachelor.

Disclaimer: I have no clue who really wins.

Here goes.

This season I've been fast-forwarding the episodes and only hitting play during moments that look interesting fast-forwarded.

For example...

The Eyebrow

Sparkles Crying

Chris Harrison

Roller Derby with Sarah (too much?)

I'm even guilty of watching the rose ceremonies in fast motion.

But one thing I ALWAYS watch are the ladies departures.

It's my favorite part.

For a few reasons.

1. These women cry like Sean died.

I'm sorry but if I only "dated" someone for 6 hours I think I could break up and not cry.

Confession: One time in fifth grade a boy kept asking me out, and to get him to leave me alone I allowed him to be my boyfriend for one hour.

Heart breaker!

2. This isn't about love, it's about winning a diamond, and a vacation.

If you're lucky like Emily, you'll get TWO!

Note to the next bachelorette: Make sure your contract says you get to KEEP the ring regardless.

See I know I'm right.

To be honest I'm not really sure why I still watch the show season after season.

Oh wait I know why.

Chris Harrison, a man after my own heart.

He loves the drama and can stir the pot better than any host I know.

But now he's leaving.

Fail.

So ABC...Hire me!

1. I'm off the market and will not fraternize with the contestants.

2. I'm already ordained.

3. I love lady drama, and promise more 1-on-1 interviews with the crazies contestants.

4. People think I'm funny.

5. I have a bachelors degree, note: Bachelors!

6. I travel well and I have a passport.

Spread the word friends!

Have a great day!